All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
