My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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