He disabled his match.com account in front of me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
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