so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
