I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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