Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
