Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
