I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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