i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I want her autograph on my taint
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
