I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
