Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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