Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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