apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
