Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My vagina is officially offended.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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