you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
