i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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