If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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