Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
