I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
