There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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