Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
