My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
