All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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