new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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