omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
