remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
this just has baby written all over it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
