my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
