You made me cry and you don't even care
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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