I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
