I am spending my child support on dildos
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
