hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
