Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
