You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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