He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
