Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I enjoy the company of your penis
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
