East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
