i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize