Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
