fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize