ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
