never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to make out with him forever
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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