end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
