So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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