so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize