The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
