Im at strip club and am horny
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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