so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
