sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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