Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
