Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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