Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We left the knife in your bed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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