TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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