Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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