the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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