my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
