k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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