I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
