Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just pee around me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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